From Pleasing to Disappearing
Lately, a "stream" of "rebelling pleasers" have come to visit me in my practice. People who feel like "they got lost" in their relationships and can take it no more.
For years, they cooperated with plans and tastes and experiences they did not enjoy, in order to be "a good partner". They did it because a) they saw no other way to stay in the ralationship or b) they felt like they had to fight, or come on too strong, when they wanted to say "no" or place a boundary. They explain that there is no real dialogue. "I always have to fight for what I want! I don't want to fight! I just want to be considered!"
For some people, saying what they want and taking it, is obvious, easy. No guilt and no strings attached. They want it, they do it. For others, even asking for what they want in their relationships, is perplexing, confusing and guilt-ridden: "How will it affect my partner? My children?".
Lately, a "stream" of "rebelling pleasers" have come to visit me in my practice. People who feel like "they got lost" in their relationships and can take it no more.
For years, they cooperated with plans and tastes and experiences they did not enjoy, in order to be "a good partner". They did it because a) they saw no other way to stay in the ralationship or b) they felt like they had to fight, or come on too strong, when they wanted to say "no" or place a boundary. They explain that there is no real dialogue. "I always have to fight for what I want! I don't want to fight! I just want to be considered!"
For some people, saying what they want and taking it, is obvious, easy. No guilt and no strings attached. They want it, they do it. For others, even asking for what they want in their relationships, is perplexing, confusing and guilt-ridden: "How will it affect my partner? My children?".